It’s Not Me, It’s You: Break the Blame Cycle; Relationship Better

HarperOne. Sept. 2022. 288p. ISBN 9780063206311. $26.99. SELF-HELP
Husband-and-wife co-authors Kim (I Used To Be a Miserable F*ck) and Bennett (co-host of the podcast Cheaper Than Therapy) deploy their experience as marriage and family therapists, life partners, and co-parents in this guide to resolving relationship conflicts. Their book straddles research-informed, therapist-as-writer guidance and memoir, as Bennett and Kim’s examples often draw on conflicts from their own family histories, their previous romantic relationships (including an ended engagement and a divorce), and their current partnership. The text tilts more heavily toward the personal, but Bennett and Kim contextualize their divulgences with psychosocial theory. Key concepts—projection; flooding (psychological overwhelm); intergenerational transmission of trauma—appear in sidebars. Kim and Bennett trade off writing chapters and sometimes offer different perspectives of situations and concepts. They also share anonymized examples from their clinical practice to introduce concepts like nonviolent communication. The book’s title seems to suggest putting responsibility for a relationship in the other person’s court, but Bennett and Kim demonstrate that relational dynamics are formed by multiple personal histories and experiences.
VERDICT From a pair of marriage and family therapists, this book is a good choice for readers seeking self-help that balances memoir and relationship guidance.
Comment Policy:
  • Be respectful, and do not attack the author, people mentioned in the article, or other commenters. Take on the idea, not the messenger.
  • Don't use obscene, profane, or vulgar language.
  • Stay on point. Comments that stray from the topic at hand may be deleted.
  • Comments may be republished in print, online, or other forms of media.
  • If you see something objectionable, please let us know. Once a comment has been flagged, a staff member will investigate.



We are currently offering this content for free. Sign up now to activate your personal profile, where you can save articles for future viewing