Parenting Short Takes: Ethics& "Endless Adolescence"

Featuring Books by Joseph Allen, Ian James Corlett, & Priscilla Dunstan

By Julianne J. Smith, Ypsilanti Dist. Lib., MI -- Library Journal, 11/19/2009

From feeding the youngest eaters to getting your college grad to enter the real world, this month’s Short Takes offers something for parents at every stage of the journey. The diversity of materials required for a strong parenting collection is on my mind right now as I weed my library’s. Because this collection runs both broad and deep, the gems are liable to get lost, so I’m taking a different approach and selecting staff picks for display.

I’m also taking a hard look at the MARC records to see if we can’t do more with limiting subject headings like "Adolescence." Parents of young children are often some of the best library patrons we have, and hopefully as they nurture their children to adulthood, we as librarians can nurture their reading needs. Here’s to the diamonds in the rough. Have feedback? Feel free to email me at smith@ypsilibrary.org.

Allen, Joseph & Claudia Worrell Allen. Escaping the Endless Adolescence: How We Can Help Our Teenagers Grow Up Before They Grow Old. Ballantine. Nov. 2009. 272p. index. ISBN 978-0-345-50789-1. $25. CHILD REARING
Psychologists Allen and Allen begin their important and far-reaching work by asking when 25 became the new 15. Why, in other words, are more and more young people unable to launch successfully into adulthood, returning home after college and becoming known as the "boomerang generation"? In the past, adolescent shenanigans have been viewed as par for the course; teenagers, victims of their own hormones. Recently, the concept of the adolescent brain has taken center stage, with behavioral problems attributed to brain immaturity in areas that regulate impulse and emotion. The authors, while conceding legitimacy to both theories, take the issue one step further, examining why—brains and hormones aside—other cultures do not share similar extremes of the American experience of adolescence. They persuasively argue for a greater role for adolescents in adult society, one with more responsibility and exposure to adulthood. An outstanding contribution to the literature.

Carey, Seamus. Growing Up with Your Children: 7 Turning Points in the Lives of Parents. Rowman & Littlefield. Dec. 2009. 150p. bibliog. ISBN 978-1-4422-0096-8. $32.95. CHILD REARING
In this pensive and leisurely paced work, philosophy professor Carey (Manhattan Coll.; The Faithful Parent: Discovering the Spirit of Purposeful Parenting) identifies seven major junctures that can lead parents to wisdom, maturity, and grace (e.g., advocacy, guilt, gratitude). Arguing that parents grow as individuals along with their children, the author points to the wisdom of philosophers—parents should make like the great minds and reflect on their habits of thinking and acting. Carey is a solid storyteller, beginning each chapter with a parenting scenario that features rich character development and good pacing. He then examines the issue portrayed, such as the misuse of power, and places it in the context of philosophical thought, such as Spinoza’s argument that power is the primary virtue. A lovely book to be savored and returned to; ideal for academically bent parents.

Corlett, Ian James (text) & R.A. Hold (illus.). E Is for Ethics: How To Talk to Kids About Morals, Values, and What Matters Most. Atria: S. & S. Dec. 2009. 128p. ISBN 978-1-4165-9654-7. $22. CHILD REARING
Corlett, a veteran in children’s television programming, hits a home run with this small (but pricey) gem of a book. Using 26 one-page stories, accompanied by darling full-color illustrations, this read-as-a-family book presents common and realistic situations where children are faced with an ethical dilemma, such as fairness, forgiveness, tact, etc. Instead of resolving the circumstance, however, the stories end with discussion questions, e.g., "How could Lucy show forgiveness?" or "What might have happened if Lucy hadn’t forgiven Elliot?" It is incredibly difficult to write these books without pontificating, and any kid’s spidey sense will tingle at the mere hint of pedantry, but Corlett avoids that trap with ease. Enthusiastically recommended.

Dunstan, Priscilla J. Child Sense: From Birth to Age 5, How To Use the 5 Senses To Make Sleeping, Eating, Dressing and Other Everyday Activities Easier While Strengthening Your Bond with Your Child. Bantam. Nov. 2009. 336p. index. ISBN 978-0-553-80667-0. $26. CHILD REARING
Dunstan, a former violinist and opera singer, was dumbfounded by her son’s tactile orientation, which had him careening around the house like a cyclone and resulted in a significant communication gap. After conducting eight years of research (which feels a bit too eureka!), Dunstan developed a system to classify children into four sense types (tactile, auditory, visual, and taste/smell). Here, she explains how best to approach everyday activities based on a child’s sensory compass. Sensory dominance isn’t a new theory, and any parent with more than one child can attest to innate learning differences. However, much of the current literature focuses on processing and integration disorders, while Child Sense is proactive in approach. Dunstan’s science doesn’t convince this reviewer, but her book rates as "interesting." It will appeal to parents who are suspicious that their baby was switched at birth.

Hughes, William H. Raise Winning Kids Without a Fight: The Power of Personal Choice. Johns Hopkins Univ. Dec. 2009. 184p. ISBN 978-0-8018-9340-7. $15.95. CHILD REARING
Child and adolescent psychiatrist Hughes (Sutter Ctr. for Psychiatry) doesn’t take any BS from kids, and he doesn’t recommend you do either. (Behavior rehab, a term he uses effectively throughout, would’ve made a much better title, for the record.) Although a little slow-going in the early chapters, he explains how teens tend to take well-meant advice as criticism and shows how by doing less correcting, we can actually get better behavior. He recommends that the most mundane of rewards (the right to TV time, cell phones, iPods, etc.) are enough to get kids to comply and build healthy habits as long as parents live up to their obligation to assess quality, attitude, and timeliness of homework, chores, etc. Appropriate for school-aged children and up. Well done!

Kellner, Ellen. The Pro Child Way: Parenting with an Ex. Untapped Talent LLC. Jan. 2010. 128p. ISBN 978-0-9820834-3-2. pap. $15. CHILD REARING
There is much to like about Kellner’s work, both in organization and in content. She takes 46 common contentious divorce scenarios, such as late pick-ups and the ex’s new spouse, and breaks them down into two approaches: the "Old Way" (an internal dialog of trash talking the ex, both accurately done and containing likely elements of truth), and the "Pro Child Way," which emphasizes zipping the lip if not turning the cheek to assist your child in maintaining a healthy relationship with both parents. She gives concrete sample sentences and sound advice for looking at the big picture of a child’s longterm emotional health. Unfortunately, the book’s layout is maddening: the margins must be two inches, the font is about eight point, and a ♥ is used to offset the phrase Pro Child. For a more palatable title on parenting after divorce, consider Jill Burrett and Michael Green’s Shared Parenting: Raising Your Children Cooperatively After Separation.

Rapley, Gill & Tracey Murkett. Baby-Led Weaning: Helping Your Baby To Love Good Food. Vermillion: Random House UK, dist. by Trafalgar Square. Dec. 2009. 256p. index. ISBN 978-0-09-192380-8. $19.95. CHILD REARING
In this British import, trained nurse Rapley and freelance writer Murkett encourage parents to forego the usual baby puree and move straight to whole foods while continuing to breastfeed primarily after a baby is six months old. Their arguments are scientifically sound, especially when it comes to muscle development in the mouth, and they address the anticipated counterarguments, e.g., the need for iron-fortified cereal at six months. There are some British references (e.g., diapers are "nappies"), but they do not interfere with the reading. Some parents will be concerned about their lax approach to the order of allowable foods and especially their lack of concern about nuts, but allergic warnings are given where necessary. If mine were little again, I would definitely try this. As long as mom is nursing, who says baby can’t eat lamb chops?

Sassé, Margaret. Active Baby, Healthy Brain: 135 Fun Exercises and Activities To Maximize Your Child’s Brain Development from Birth Through Age 5 ½. The Experiment, dist. by Publishers Group West. Jan. 2010. 160p. illus. bibliog. index. ISBN 978-1-61519-006-5. pap. $15.95. CHILD REARING
Any time this columnist sees something about "maximizing brain development," a warning light goes off in her head. Like other paranoia-inducing texts, this book by late child development expert Sassé takes a normal, innate response like movement (just try to hold a baby and not rock) and says it’s imperative to "overcom[e] primitive reflexes" and increase "vestibular stimulation." Whoa! Did you know motherhood required a Ph.D.? Get this: "To help your infant stimulate his eyes, show him flickering… Christmas tree lights, for a few minutes, four times a day." Approaching infancy like a recipe that will be spoiled should one misstep occur is not helpful or advisable. Too bad; the drawings are cute.

Sawyers-Kurz, Norma. 50 Ways To Cope with the Loss of Your Child: A Guide for Grieving Parents. Demers Bks. Dec. 2009. 128p. bibliog. index. ISBN 978-0-9816002-5-3. pap. $16.95. CHILD REARING
Sawyers-Kurz (Personal Grief and a Reasonable Faith: A Mother’s Journey from Tragedy to Triumph in Understanding the Christian Faith) tragically lost her teenage daughter in a motorcycle accident. Organized into chapters that parallel the accepted stages of grieving, her book presents 50 tips to help parents heal after the death of a child. Unfortunately, there is very little of her personal experience woven into the text, and it ultimately reads like a book report. Look instead to Ellen Mitchell’s Beyond Tears: Living After Losing a Child, which came out this year in a second revised edition.