Short Takes: Parenting Guides
Stars for Lenore Skenazy, Chris Mancini, and Askhari Johnson Hodari
By Julianne J. Smith, Ypsilanti Dist. Lib., MI -- Library Journal, 6/23/2009 12:10:00 PM
If parenting books have one commonality, it's an introduction where the author states that she is writing this book because she read all the baby books she could find on a given subject, and they were all terrible. There’s a bit of truth to this: parenting books are as prolific as cookbooks, and, quite honestly, many of them are downright dumb. The subject is also prone to both recycling (new author, old information) and fashion, some practically Paris Hilton–trendy.
Ultimately, a good parenting book should reflect long-term child development research, not play to parents’ fears or anxieties, and, God Save the Queen, be lean and digestible. To contextualize the massive child rearing market, I will be reviewing parenting books online in LJ's Short Takes format (see also our series on memoirs). This inaugural column offers a survey of notable spring and summer titles. Look for another installment in an August issue of BookSmack!
Bernstein, Jeffrey. Liking the Child You Love: Build a Better Relationship with Your Kids—Even When They’re Driving You Crazy. Da Cap. 2009. 272p. ISBN 978-0-7382-1261-6. pap. $14.95. CHILD REARINGPsychologist Bernstein openly acknowledges the normalcy of parents disliking their children at times, here aiming to address and dismantle the “Nine Toxic Thought Patterns of Parenting.” He divides these thought patterns into two categories—those that build over time and those that appear in angry outbursts—before going on to illustrate them, the resulting behaviors, and the potential repercussions for both parent and child. Readers also get de-stressing exercises, tips for becoming mindful of thought processes, and suggestions for turning them around. Bernstein explains appropriate discipline, natural consequences, and “collaborative logical consequences” within the context of the annoying things kids do to tick off their parents. Sometimes cheesy in tone but also realistic and helpful.
Fertleman, Caroline & Simon Cave. Potty Training Boys the Easy Way: Helping Your Son Learn Quickly—Even If He’s a Late Starter. Da Capo. 2009. 144p. ISBN 978-0-738-21330-9. pap. $11.95. CHILD REARINGTo use two bad puns, just when you think the market for potty-training books is saturated, along comes a new one that is worth the price tag, even though it’s a little dry. Writing specifically about boys, pediatrician Fertleman (Whittington Hosp., UK) and health editor Cave present a concise plan in fewer than 120 pages, which ambitious moms can read during baby’s nap. It is simple and factual and does an excellent job of addressing common counter-arguments. Guides for determining if your son is ready and tips for preparation until he is (e.g., let him see himself peeing in the bath) are excellent. Overeager parents would do well to read about the role of the hormone vasopressin in bedwetting.
Gethin, Anni & Beth Macgregor. Helping Baby Sleep: The Science and Practice of Gentle Nighttime Parenting. Celestial Arts. Aug. 2009. 224p. ISBN 978-1-58761-3401. pap. $15.99. CHILD REARING
Health social scientist Gethin and psychologist Macgregor, while conceding that sleep training is “hugely popular among parents and widely recommended by health professionals,” define sleep training as a “benign term that describes a deeply painful—even brutal—experience for babies and young children.” Ouch! Pediatricians and most parents will cry foul over this one, and rightly so. Purchase with extreme caution, as this lacks adequate research consensus and could easily be paranoia-inducing, exhausting, and guilt-provoking.
Hartley-Brewer, Elizabeth. Making Friends: A Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Child’s Friendships. Da Capo. Aug. 2009. 224p. ISBN 978-0-7382-1323-1. pap. $13. CHILD REARING
British author Hartley-Brewer (Raising Confident Boys) addresses the “four phases” of children’s friendships, often stating the obvious and coming across as pseudoscientific. She discusses friendship styles at various ages and the differences between boy’s and girl’s friendships. Interviews with British children are quoted throughout. While the author doesn’t propose meddling unnecessarily, this feels a bit like spying. Issues such as school bullying, etc., are best addressed in other titles. While this is not offensive, it ultimately lacks rich content.
Henssen, Henk. Baby Management for Men: The Handy Guide for Dads. Saga Whyte Pr . 2009. 200p. tr. from Dutch by Rogier van Bakel. ISBN 978-90-8885032-5. $14.95. CHILD REARING
In this English-language edition of a European best seller, Dutch journalist Hanssen likens baby care to management in the workforce, with the new baby being the “product.” He addresses such issues as “quality control,” “input,” “output,” and “communication.” The information is relevant and sound, but it's unclear if the author's attempts at humor—the marketing copy includes the statement “approved world wide by men who hate to read”—will work stateside.
Hodari, Askhari Johnson. The African Book of Names. Health Communications. 2009. 356p. ISBN 978-0-7573-0779-9. CHILD REARING
Aiming to introduce readers to the “magic, beauty, and lyricism” of African names, this comprehensive title includes over 6000 examples from more than 35 African countries. The format is commendable: the boldfaced names appear in a table indicating phonetic pronunciation, the name’s meaning, the country of origin, and the typical gender assignment. Categories include "Gentleness," "Hope," "Magic," "Charm," and less-desirable counterparts like "Sadness," "Servitude," and "Regret." This will become a valuable destination title for those committed to honoring their African roots.
Mancini, Chris. Pacify Me: A Handbook for the Freaked-Out New Dad. Simon Spotlight Entertainment: S. & S. 2009. 224p. ISBN 978-1-4391-2887-9. pap. $14.99. CHILD REARING
While dad’s perspective on pregnancy and childbirth is not a new story (Bill Cosby has been doing this for decades), comedian and filmmaker Mancini’s is one of the freshest this reviewer has encountered. Featuring chapters titled “My Life Is Over,” his debut fizzes with raw honesty and gut-busting humor that will make expectant fathers both laugh out loud and sigh with relief. Want to know if you can have sex with your pregnant wife? “Yes,” says Mancini. “At this point the damage has been done.” He transcends his comedy, however, to communicate solid information, acknowledging that marketing shorthand for parenting books is usually, “Buy this or you will have a stupid baby.” Destined to become a classic.
Mulholland, Siobhan. Coping with Crying and Colic. ISBN 978-0-09-192344-0.
Mulholland, Siobhan. Helping your Baby to Sleep. ISBN 978-0-09-192345-7.
ea. vol: Random House UK. (Easy-to-Follow Guides). 2009. illus. 64p. $12.95. CHILD REARING
Even if you have a good selection of books on crying, journalist Mulholland's is worth considering despite the British slant. Her advice is appropriate and up-to-date and will be especially helpful to first-time parents. Her coverage encompasses the average hours a newborn cries daily, at what ages crying peaks and ebbs, what amount of crying to expect during the first few months, and the gentle reassurance that sometimes babies cry, and there is little we can do to soothe them.
Mulholland's sleep title provides a good analysis of how REM/non-REM sleep differs between babies and adults and how that translates to sleep cycles and why babies awaken. There are good visuals in the form of graphs, showing sleep averages for day and night time hours, broken down by three, six, nine, and 12 months. She presents a summary of the most popular sleep-training methods and includes tips for establishing a routine. It endorses some form of sleep training by six months, offering excellent pros and cons of the most popular ones.
These are beautifully produced imports from the UK, with color photos, sidebars, and lots of well-used white space; the text is gentle and concise. Sleep-deprived parents will appreciate the brevity of what I like to call nap-time consumables.
Rosenkrantz, Linda & Pamela Redmond Satran. Beyond Ava and Aiden: The Enlightened Guide to Naming Your Baby. Griffin: St. Martin’s. Jul. 2009. 304p. ISBN 978-0-312-53915-3. pap. $12.95. CHILD REARING
They’re back! The gurus of baby-naming trends—see Beyond Jennifer and Jason, 1988, and Beyond Madison and Montana, 1999—return with an updated must-have edition. They include fun quotes on what celebrities think about their names and have a good, context-rich chapter on historical trends in naming as seen through the sociopolitical climate of the decades. Categories remain fun and interesting (e.g., biblical, unisex, vintage, botanical names), and, of course, the focus is on the latest trends. Buy in quantity. See also the authors' Cool Irish Names for Babies.
Rosenkrantz, Linda & Pamela Redmond Satran. Cool Irish Names for Babies. Griffin: St. Martin’s. 2009. 208p. ISBN 978-0-312-53912-2. pap. $11.95. CHILD REARING
Earlier this year, Rosencrantz and Satran (see their Beyond Ava and Aiden, above) published this compact and casual naming directory for Hibernophiles or those looking to honor their Irish roots. It includes phonetic pronunciations, historical notes, and a creative arrangement featuring categories like “Nick Name Cool,” “Cool Character Names from Irish Literature,” “Irish Celebrity Names,” “Irish Saints,” and, of course, the requisite Top Lists. Expect mom and dad to fight over this one.
Skenazy, Lenore. Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry. Jossey-Bass. 2009. 256p. ISBN 978-0-470-47194-4. $24.95. CHILD REARING
Skenazy flies the black flag of “America’s Worst Mom,” a title this syndicated columnist and NPR commentator earned by allowing her nine-year-old son to ride the New York City public transit alone in 2008. Here, she puts parents’ fears to bed by examining the statistical likelihood of the dangers we most fear (murder, baby-snatching, etc.). Drawing on facts, statistics, and humor, she convincingly argues that this is one of the safest periods for children in the history of the world, reiterating that “mostly, the world is safe…and mostly, people are good.” Even the lowest-flying helicopter parents would have trouble disagreeing that “we have entered an era that says you cannot trust yourself. Trust a product instead.” Skenazy argues that it’s time to retire the national pastime of worrying and that “childhood is supposed to be about discovering the world, not being held captive.” The obvious has never been so hilarious.
Ward, Jennifer. Let’s Go Outside!: Outdoor Activities and Projects To Get You and Your Kids Closer to Nature. Shambhala. Jul. 2009. 144p. ISBN 978-1-59030-698-7. pap. $14. CHILD REARING
Children's book author Ward (I Love Dirt!) here compiles numerous, creative suggestions for outdoor activities designed to foster stewardship in preteens and their parents. Complete instructions for traditional outdoor games (remember capture the flag?) are followed by “Take It Further” sidebars that give additional suggestions for kids who connect with a particular activity. Occasionally, there is something obvious (how to fly a Frisbee), but most of the activities are eco-friendly and simple, including (but not limited to) ones parent and child can do together. Richard Louv's Last Child in the Woods remains the gold standard for encouraging outdoor play, but this is a worthy complement with the potential to peel away even the most reluctant tween from the computer.
