Mother's Day Roundup

Kay Hogan Smith, Univ. of Alabama Lister Hill Lib. of the Health Sciences, Birmingham -- Library Journal, 4/25/2006

This year’s Mother’s Day Roundup features compilations of essays honoring imperfect mothers, lesbian mothers, adoptive mothers, and mothers-to-be; a couple of riveting memoirs also offer a healthy dose of advice for mom.—Kay Hogan Smith, Univ. of Alabama Lister Hill Lib. of the Health Sciences, Birmingham

The Imperfect Mom: Candid Confessions of Mothers Living in the Real World. Broadway. Apr. 2006. 240p. ed. by Therese J. Borchard. ISBN 0-7679-2266-2. pap. $12.95.

The Kid Turned Out Fine: Moms Fess Up About Cartoons, Candy, and What It Really Takes To Be a Good Parent. Adams Media. May 2006. 272p. ed. by Paula Ford Martin. index. ISBN 1-59337-517-4. pap. $14.95.

Both of these books celebrate the humanness of the human mother, with short essays contributed by numerous writers attesting to their various child-rearing foibles. That the cult of perfect motherhood has reached a tipping point in its ability to oppress the merely “perfect enough,” as Borchard refers to the vast majority of mothers, can be gleaned from the near pride with which these essay relate their sins of imperfection. In both books, however, these sins are fairly venial, and the effects on the children are often surprisingly beneficial—to the point where the surprising becomes predictable and even boring. Still, there are some excellent essays in the mix (like Ayun Halliday’s funny offering on mothers’ discussion boards in Imperfect Mom), and the hypercritical culture of modern-day parenting is surely in need of some correction. Both titles are suitable for larger parenting collections.

Confessions of the Other Mother: Nonbiological Lesbian Moms Tell All! Beacon. May 2006. 208p. ed. Harlyn Aizley. ISBN 0-8070-7963-4. pap. $16.

A more successful collection of “confessions,” Confessions of the Other Mother keeps the reader’s interest as it focuses on that nebulous character: the “nonbiological mother” in the lesbian family with biological children. That adequate terminology does not even exist to describe the role of these “other mothers”—who are most certainly parents whether or not society recognizes them as such—is emblematic of the challenges faced by the authors of these poignant, funny essays as they make their way in a world uneasy with nontraditional families. Yet the authors generally maintain their sense of humor as they articulate their roles for themselves, their children and partners, and their neighbors. Highly recommended.

Fennelly, Beth Ann. Great with Child: Letters to a Young Mother. Norton. Apr. 2006. 224p. ISBN 0-393-06182-5. $22.95.

Here, Fennelly, a poet and professor of literature, waxes literary about the “transforming experience of motherhood” in a series of almost daily letters to a young friend who is pregnant with her first child and has recently moved to Alaska. Naturally, as the author is also the mother of a small child herself, the letters mostly relay advice, sisterly comfort, and poetic musings on pregnancy and motherhood. Unfortunately, no matter how eloquent the writer or transforming the experience, letters of this kind begin to take on the aura of an extended Hallmark card, and so it is with Fennelly’s set. Still, this work may find a welcome audience among first-time pregnant women tired of the practical world of What To Expect When You’re Expecting. For larger pregnancy and childbirth collections.

Tiemann, Amy. Mojo Mom: Nurturing Your Self While Raising a Family. Spark Press. Apr. 2006. 194p. index. ISBN 0-9764980-1-4. pap. $14.95.

To the reader’s first question, the author answers that “mommy mojo” is “knowing that even if the rest of the world doesn’t always realize how amazing you are, you can move through it like a secret agent, armed with the confidence that your plans will succeed on your own terms.” Tiemann, a neuroscientist who became a stay-at-home mom, argues that the key to being a good mother lies not in selflessness or conforming to others’ notions of motherhood, but in taking care of the unique person inside the role of mother. To this end, she explores motherhood’s delights as well as its attendant feelings of guilt and anxiety; she also examines how to find time and space to be creative and encourage nurturing relationships with partners and friends. Perhaps the quest for “mommy mojo” is too broad to tackle in one sitting. In any case, Mojo Mom tries to cover too much, and ultimately its advice is superficial. A secondary purchase for parenting collections.

Penley, Janet & Diane Eble. Motherstyles: Using Personality Type To Discover Your Parenting Strengths. Da Capo. May 2006. 256p. ISBN 0-7382-1045-5. pap. $16.95.

Anyone who’s attended a workshop on “coping with difficult people” in the past decade is familiar with the Myers-Briggs personality labeling instrument with its mix of extroverted/introverted, sensing/intuitive, thinking/feeling, and judging/perceiving personality types. Penley, who has led more than 550 workshops on personality type and mothering issues, applies the Myers-Briggs approach to the family arena. Part 1 of her book helps the reader and mother identify her unique personality traits, while Part 2 helps her use that self-knowledge for better daily interactions and stronger relationships with her family. The information is useful, even if the perpetual use of personality-type acronyms (e.g., ISTP, EIFJ) is irritating. Recommended for most parenting collections.

Casarjian, Bethany E. & Diane H. Dillon. Mommy Mantras: Affirmations and Insights To Keep You from Losing Your Mind. Broadway. Apr. 2006. 288p. bibliog. ISBN 0-7679-2380-4. $16.95.

Motherhood places relentless daily (and nightly) demands on one’s patience, resourcefulness, and understanding. While numerous parenting books deal with the stress of parenting, their advice often focuses on finding help from others with babysitting or housekeeping. This valuable little book of affirmations helps mothers find a more immediate source of peace from within, even in the most stressful, angry, or frightening situations. Written by child psychologists, these short, easily remembered “mantras” aim to help mothers defuse their emotions in the short term and gain perspective. Highly recommended for all parenting collections.

Laskas, Jeanne Marie. Growing Girls: The Mother of All Adventures. Bantam. Apr. 2006. 272p. ISBN 0-553-80264-X. $24.

“So much goes on here, yet so little seems to happen.” The first sentence in Growing Girls defines Laskas’s experiences on a farm in Pennsylvania with her husband and two adopted daughters. Yet the book is never boring as it details her various “adventures” raising young girls, chickens, and sheep while negotiating with country neighbors and other characters. With a wry humor that falls somewhere between that of Garrison Keillor and Betty MacDonald, the author describes her late marriage, the adoption of her two girls from a Chinese orphanage, and the family’s move to the farm and muses on politics, nature, and motherhood. A charming addition for parenting or biographical collections.

Burns, Catherine Lloyd. It Hit Me like a Ton of Bricks: A Memoir of a Mother and Daughter. North Point: Farrar. May 2006. 240p. ISBN 0-86547-708-6. $23.

Author and actress Burns has written a different sort of memoir, tracing her volatile relationship with her mother from her childhood through the birth of her own daughter. Set in New York City, this memoir centers on Burns’s mother, a larger-than-life character. Widowed twice, a department head at New York University (with no college degree of her own), she is a fascinating woman—if not always capable of providing the kind of unconditional love that her daughter craved. Still, Burns is able to view their history with poignant affection as well as uncompromising honesty and biting humor. An enthralling read.

Minton, Jenny. The Early Birds: A Mother’s Story for Our Times. Knopf. Apr. 2006. 272p. ISBN 1-4000-4383-2. $23.

New York is the primary setting for another mother’s memoir, this one focused on infertility, in vitro fertilization, and prematurely born twin boys. Minton relates the details of her family’s harrowing medical journey with frank humor as she discusses, with the wisdom of a veteran, the Pandora’s box of issues surrounding assisted reproduction. In the end, she reaffirms her and her husband’s decision by trying IVF again in order to conceive a third child from the third of their four frozen embryos. This moving memoir would make a good addition to any collection on infertility or parenting.