Self-help

Botwinick, a divorced single mother of two boys, here plays the role of big sister to women who are struggling with the many facets of divorce. Using her own stories and those from other women, she challenges readers to consider the consequences before divorcing and lets them know what to expect legally, financially, and emotionally. There is coverage of nitty-gritty aspects like handling a divorce hangover, feeling like a space cadet at times, and dealing with the Disneyland dad. The value here is in Botwinick's moral support: women, either divorced or soon to be, will not feel quite so alone.

In subtle contrast, After Your Divorce is geared strictly to divorced women who are trying to get their lives back on track. MacGregor, herself a divorce survivor and the author of many books for families (e.g., The Divorce Helpbook for Kids), and Alberti, a marriage and family therapist, join forces to give clear guidance in practical areas, such as building credit and making home repairs as well as lessening the impact on children. While both books are helpful, After Your Divorce has wider appeal and is highly recommended for all public libraries.

Father Cutié, a Roman Catholic priest and host of both television (Change Your Life with Father Albert; American Life) and radio programs (Direct Line with Father Albert), cuts through the jargon to help couples work through inevitable difficulties and keep their relationships alive. He offers seven instructions for doing so: build a solid foundation, respect each another, clarify expectations, be honest, communicate, learn to accept differences, and make a commitment to growth and maturity. With warmth and compassion, he talks about nitty-gritty issues like dealing with jealousy and developing autonomy. One of the best books of its kind; highly recommended for all libraries.

Psychotherapist Kingma (Loving Yourself) has a different angle. Writing mainly for single people in search of love, she believes that our capacity to love and attract love can be developed. The inaugural step is to practice loving ourselves, and Kingma spends the book's first half suggesting self-affirmations and ways to nourish our souls. In the second half, there is advice for communicating with our beloveds, e.g., use ample forgiveness and keep in touch. Her ideas for “stoking the fire” (sexual love) are some of the most novel in the book. Recommended for spiritual or New Age readers.

Father Cutié, a Roman Catholic priest and host of both television (Change Your Life with Father Albert; American Life) and radio programs (Direct Line with Father Albert), cuts through the jargon to help couples work through inevitable difficulties and keep their relationships alive. He offers seven instructions for doing so: build a solid foundation, respect each another, clarify expectations, be honest, communicate, learn to accept differences, and make a commitment to growth and maturity. With warmth and compassion, he talks about nitty-gritty issues like dealing with jealousy and developing autonomy. One of the best books of its kind; highly recommended for all libraries.

Psychotherapist Kingma (Loving Yourself) has a different angle. Writing mainly for single people in search of love, she believes that our capacity to love and attract love can be developed. The inaugural step is to practice loving ourselves, and Kingma spends the book's first half suggesting self-affirmations and ways to nourish our souls. In the second half, there is advice for communicating with our beloveds, e.g., use ample forgiveness and keep in touch. Her ideas for “stoking the fire” (sexual love) are some of the most novel in the book. Recommended for spiritual or New Age readers.

A consultant and mental coach for athletes and executives, Fannin provides instructions for getting into the“zone,” the frame of mind that stimulates peak performance. The key is attitude, which can be enhanced through practicing the author's S.C.O.R.E. system (Self-discipline, Concentration, Optimism, Relaxation, and Enjoyment). Considering the author's reputation, one would expect more forceful spin and prose. This is the usual mixture of success techniques, but self-help newcomers will find the writing approachable. For larger libraries.

While the word good can be applied to anything from resisting chocolate to donating to charity, Gini (philosophy, Loyola Univ.; The Importance of Being Lazy) takes on the larger issue of using ethical thinking as a way to live. His main tenet is that people must stop seeing themselves as the center of the universe—and start caring about others. Using the writings of philosophers and psychologists (including Kant and Kohlberg), he provides a backdrop of ethical thinking throughout history then analyzes current culture to determine why people are unwilling to be actively empathetic to others. Culprits include corporate greed, sex-saturated media, too many choices, and the lack of true leisure. Gini's well-reasoned, intelligent, and thought-provoking analysis of society's ills is recommended for all libraries.

Motivational speaker Hall writes for those who have achieved their goals but are still searching for purpose, meaning, and balance. Her SELF system (Serenity, Exercise, Love, Food)—based on her experiences following the medical advice of experts like Dean Ornish and spiritual teachings of leaders including the Dalai Lama—offers numerous suggestions for discovering energy, knowing power, living intentionally, and understanding the direction of happiness. While Hall shares valid advice, the book reads like a chronicle of her own awakening, which tends to be tedious. Not recommended.

Asserting that men have the power to fix their broken marriages because they are men, psychiatrist and marriage counselor Haltzman put together a guidebook that helps men give their wives exactly what they want and receive from them exactly what they hoped for the day they got married. Drawing on years of clinical experience and responses on his web site (secretsofmarriedmen.com), the author cites several “secrets” that differentiate the happily from the unhappily married men. Those who are satisfied have learned to listen to and know their wives; they aim to please and expect conflict and have learned to deal with it. Haltzman writes guy to guy, with anecdotes and humor. While it may be a challenge to get men to check out this book, it is highly recommended for all libraries.

Hamlin, a TV talk-show host, offers a welcome revision to her 1988 book of the same name. Much has changed in 17 years, and she provides thought-provoking insights and workable solutions to communicating with others in a changing world. Hamlin highlights challenges like understanding the generations, integrating a multicultural workforce, and communicating effectively in an impatient, visually driven society. She also offers techniques, both graphic and verbal, for reaching a given audience. Her chapter on handling one-on-one encounters is particularly helpful for both managers and subordinates. This book packs a lot of pertinent information on a practical topic. Highly recommended.

Just in time for Valentine's Day comes this delightful little book by writing team Maniatis and Elizabeth Weil (Crib Notes: A Random Reference for the Modern Parent). Together with Natasha Bondy, a BBC director/producer, they have assembled an array of interesting trivia and appealing facts on love, romance, and affairs of the heart. Included are a glossary of lingerie, a sample prenuptial agreement, a listing of love poems and the best romantic movies of all time, and instructions for saying “I love you” in 44 languages. Not to be missed is the “A to Z of Aphrodisiacs.” Great fun for all libraries.

Who would think that finding Mr. Right and finally getting to the altar would involve so much stress? Schank, a writer for CBS News online, found that it was and chronicles the year of her engagement in all its ridiculous, maddening, and wonderful detail. The struggles range from selecting the perfect wedding dress to choosing the ideal reception location, menu, and music. Meatier chapters address new understandings of in-law relationships, divorced parents, religious symbolism, and family expectations. Although newly engaged women might find comfort and empathy in reading about Schank's bridal trials, Sophie Kinsella's novel Shopaholic Ties the Knot and the movie remake of Father of the Bride (starring Steve Martin and Diane Keaton) do a much better job. Not recommended.

In How To Do Your Own Divorce (1971), attorney and Nolo Press founder Sherman showed people how to get a better divorce. Using the same principles, he and attorney Janke demonstrate how couples (married and unmarried) can create a constructive contract ensuring that their relationship will never end up in court. This contract incorporates relationship concepts, financial tailoring, and faith-based features, as well as legal information regarding who can get family-care leave and who inherits if there is no will. Templates of agreements that encompass present relationships and past marriages and children are provided in the book and on the accompanying CD-ROM. Excellent and comprehensive, this is recommended for all public libraries.

While plenty of books share tips for finding Mr. Right, and others counsel women to enjoy singlehood before that happens, this “manifesta” urges older women to value the single state in and for itself. Drawing from her online biweekly column “Singles & Doubles,” Stewart provides information on being one's own self supporter, quizzes for self-understanding, and ideas for managing life's milestones without marriage. Readers will encounter out-of-the-box advice, e.g., seeing one's mechanic, hairdresser, lawyer, and accountant as partners in making life work. Also included are recipes for delights such as Morning-After French Toast and a monthly calendar of ideas that includes hosting an Oscar night party in February. This fun, thoroughly enjoyable, and inspiring book is recommended for all libraries.

Clinical psychologist Stosny has put into words the techniques used in his successful Compassion-Power and Boot Camp programs, which help women who have been subjected to criticism, put-downs, or cold shoulders from their husbands or boyfriends. Complete with checklists, case studies, and well-researched information, his program not only shows the damage that verbally and emotionally abusive relationships do to spouses and children but also demonstrates how to change them, with guidance for both parties. For their part, women are directed to practice self-healing skills. Clear, timely, and on the mark; recommended for all libraries.

Having found that the new rules of dating require a new strategy, Witkin (psychiatry, Mount Sinai Medical Ctr., New York City) developed a guide for finding one's perfect love mate. Designed for women who beat themselves up and vow to change themselves after a miserable date, the book urges readers instead to learn from the experience. Witkin's most important piece of advice is to let go of the myth of the “perfect” person and go for the person who finds the real you perfectly loveable. She also recommends that women trust their intuition and run from a man who is perpetually unemployed, has a good deal of unfinished business, or is persistently annoying or critical. Although nothing is particularly new here, the information is solid. Recommended to round out an already established relationship collection.